Where Do You Feel Safely Seen?
It’s encouragingly empowering when you realize that you’re not alone.
Between 2019 and 2022, I have experienced my most difficult years. COVID was a key factor in this challenging time. The articles on Primal Scream, Languishing and State of Agony all felt like they were written with me in mind though I was never interviewed.
The unrelenting toil of mothering—breastfeeding, caregiving, deaing with a lack of childcare, and a lack of outlet, resulted in back-breaking guilt of not being enough. I had become a homeschooling teacher, a caregiver for my ailing father, and a support for my mother. At the same time I continued to hold space for my husband and I to pursue our purpose.
Like Dory in Finding Nemo, I repeated the mantra, “just keep swimming.” I put one foot in front of the other and asked God to help me thrive and not merely endure.
Much is said about the highs and lows of leading a startup. You can experience the full range of emotions as you nurture your baby, going from complete love to debilitating despair. We know it’s a rough road, and founders tend to find each other to commiserate the jubilant damns! And the desponded d-a-m-n-s.
But what about the highs and lows of the rearing of human babies. Where do we jubilate? Where do we grieve? Where is it safe?
I felt unsafe to reach out to commiserate in my current state of desponded d-a-m-n! Who do I call? Everyone has their own life. You’ll only be b-o-t-h-e-r-i-n-g them…those were the stories I kept telling myself…anyway, that’s what a therapist is for. Why would I create drama for someone else?
I finally got the courage to “silencio Bruno” and text a friend. She was away on vacation. The guilt set in immediately and my thoughts were reinforced. I let go of my need to demand time and created levity by saying “thanks for coming to my Ted Talk” with a sprinkle of haha and unnerving emoji to dismiss my true heart.
I needed more.
As if divinely timed, my sister called me in the middle of my despair between the penned text drafted to my children and sent text to a friend. I ugly
cried sobbed with deep sadness as a response to her “hello.” She stayed on the phone patiently, hearing the heaving sounds of pain and prodded me to get it out.
Eventually, I said “I can’t give them what they need.”
I am eternally grateful for feeling safe to express with disregarded judgement my level of complete overwhelm. I have this Martha-a-lot gene from my mother (mothers are the easy target to blame for things aren’t they!?) and like Martha (from the Bible), I does a lot and had the capacity to bear a lot…until I couldn’t anymore. I am glad to have had the courage to share and feel safely seen.
It is encouragingly empowering when you realize that you’re not alone.
Through this, I jubilantly proclaim my calling: to create safe spaces for ambitious mothers through community anchored in storytelling and restorative care.
My company, korédé, defined as bring goodness, is more than a brand. It is a collective that empowers mothering women to illuminate the fundamental truth of what it means to live in the space of deliberate motherhood coupled with ambition.
My thesis is simple. Mothers shape the future and are the lead product engineers of society. We do so with:
Ambition—We shape the future with the work of our hands.
Mothering—We shape the future with the spark we nurture in our children, our tomorrow.
Mental Health—We shape the future with lingering pains/trauma that could get passed on to the next generation.
Even superheroes have a space of their own. Mothers need time, space, and community to thrive. korédé is a place where ambitious mothers gather.
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A Mother’s boat can feel like a very lovely place indeed. It is heart warming to envision collectively gathering our experiences on our individual boats both while at dock or at sea. Thank you for bringing goodness!
Reading this brings back memories of a time I still vividly recall. I jokingly say that I suffered from PTSD with homeschooling and everything else mothers has to do during these times, including birthing new ideas and humans. You are not alone and through you many other mothers, myself included may tap into the community of healing we all desperately need.