Coming Clean

Will this change my algorithm? Am I still invited to Thanksgiving Dinner?

I called my friend Deji —who waxes and wanes with wisdom and roots in Biblical churchiness—to gist about a real-time founder saga of barely making payroll. I told him I wanted to 10x my payroll—that I looked forward to the day when making payroll felt stress-free because this business was solid and the mission was clearly delivering value.

He asked why.

I gave him my championest-pat-myself-on-the-back-I-can’t-believe-you’re-even-asking, answer: “So I can employ a lot more people doing the work of preserving families by rebuilding the lost village.”

He pushed back annoyingly, asking why. Asked again. Wanted the deeper why…said he was teaching me something he’d just learned.

The Real Why

Two reasons, I told him.

First: I want to train a vast number of women—mothers in particular—as Family Transition Specialists (FTS)— women trained simultaneously as doulas, peer leaders and resource navigators supporting families in the postpartum period. I want to employ a global network of women who do this work (of being like “when Nana comes over” - my son’s description of what we do at Korédé House) while earning a living wage, working 30 hours/week, practicing presence with their own families. That’s what I mean by the work of preserving families.

Second: To reverse the trend of declining birth rates in the developed world.

I said it out loud. And immediately, I felt the fear.

Am I a pronatalist? I could already write the attacks, rebuttals and skipped invitations to dinner parties…It’s one thing to say in private that the national “we” should have more kids, it’s another to say it out loud. I know the necessity for women’s empowerment, arguments about delayed family formation, about why encouraging people to have children is regressive or naive or worse. I know my privilege all too well and I know the suffering many experience because they have kids. I am steeped in the statistics about maternal isolation (1 in 2), postpartum depression (1 in 5), loss of income and identity. The lived reality is true. It’s lived. The isolation is crushing. The stigma is real. The lack of support is devastating.

But here’s what I also know: fruits have seeds. Watermelons have seeds. All living creatures are meant to reproduce. And families—the greatest institution ever created—are under attack from multiple fronts. The person most vulnerable to that attack is the woman in her unsubstitutable, non-interchangeble life giving force as a mother.

I hear countless stories of women suffering in the postpartum period. Stories where all help evaporates after the first two weeks. Where expenses rise and mental health suffers. Where identity disappears and the proverbial village exists only in Facebook groups—well-meaning strangers who can’t actually come hold you, heal you or help you…or your baby for that matter. I hear it in Alicia (not her real name) who chose to come to Korédé House to be in peer group only 5 days postpartum because her community have moved on from her now that she has this new creation. I hear it in Banke (not her real name) who faithfully comes in weekly to access the “only community” she has and is now enrolled in FTS training to support other families.

I have a global outlook on having more life, not less. I believe this is God’s will and he’s called me to His work; I’m just hands and feet.

Saying this, with all my years of western education in the modern world, makes me retreat with fear.

The Challenge

Fortunately, Deji is part preacher, part bestie. And that day, he had time to preach.

He challenged my notion that a large payroll equals impact. He asked why I thought I needed Korédé Houses everywhere when the one thing that’s free for me to use right now is my voice. He cited movements—MeToo, BLM, MAGA—and asked: Why do they need a massive infrastructure to shift culture? They started with people willing to speak up.

“Is your voice free?” he asked.

I’ve been thinking about that question ever since. Many people talk about the 3 T’s when building relationships for advocacy: Time, Talent, Treasure. Since starting this journey in 2023, I’ve added a fourth: Tongue.

Your tongue—your voice, your willingness to speak—is either the most free or the most expensive, most impactful, most costly tool you have. People say one thing in public and another in private.

What I’m Building

So this is me, coming clean.

I’m building the village infrastructure to sustain starting or growing families because we need more life, not less…It has three elements: People, Place and Platform.

• People: we train women to be Family Transition Specialists.

• Place: We create spaces—village squares like the one at 4317 Forest Park Ave. in St. Louis—where communities can gather and support each other through the stages of motherhood, parenthood, childhood.

• Platform: Easy way to connect with community filled with caregivers, clinicians and clients advocating for flourishing families.

  

It’s about saying out loud what I’ve been afraid to say: that families matter. That men and women deserve support, not just in avoiding parenthood but in thriving in it. That children are good. That life is good. That the village isn’t a metaphor—it’s infrastructure, and we can build it.

I don’t know what will happen when I say these things with my full-chest. I don’t know who will push back or how hard. But I’m in my coming clean era. Full-chest loading…

Please God, grant me the courage and wisdom to know when and how to use my voice for your glory. For now, I’d love to hear your thoughts—especially if you’re also having conversations on the value of more life, not less life…might need new pals.

#HandsandFeet