Belonging is a Verb

“What would they say? You know, they—the people I grew up with. What would they say?”

I remember sipping hot tea in a state of inexplicable panic across from Talia, my Entrepreneurial Insight coach. We were discussing my fears of launching my business in a public way. She questioned and questioned and questioned, and eventually, we landed on it. 

I don’t belong to the community that I seek approval from. 

“What would they say? You know, they—the people I grew up with. What would they say?”

In the past, I felt pain and scapegoated by my community as a youth. Since then, I neatly distanced myself from many other communities that could look and feel like a clique. 

That realization and the fee associated with that 60 minutes was the best investment in my future. It released me from this invisible chain that has caused so many dreams to lay in wastelands. While I kept my distance, I secretly sought their approval and, in the process, limited myself. It helped me to realize that community is where I choose to belong. 

Belonging is a verb. To belong is an active choice.

Community Programming 

Fifteen years ago, I was asked to lead the Florida chapter of the African American Affinity Organization for the company I worked for at the time. I remember Yinka, my husband, challenged my contemplation, asking, “How can you lead people you don’t identify with?” 

This was a chilling question deserving an answer. I identified as Nigerian-American or African and distinguished between Black Americans and African Americans.

Belonging was a choice I had to make to succeed in leading the community. I chose to immerse myself in friendships, erase the distance between us and become comrades on a joint mission. Through the experience, I felt loved by my new community. I was nurtured through mutual interest and developed friendships that will last a lifetime. I belonged. 

As I build out korédé’s programming for ambitious mothers, I am overcome with fear and doubts. I inherently run away from community for fear of ostracization, clique-ishness, and the tedious work generally associated with cultivating the garden of a fruitful community. However, I submit to God’s will and the process of belonging to a community of mothers who love unabashedly. A community of mothers that cherish one another’s journey as co-conspirators of societal outcomes; a community of mothers focused on shaping tomorrow into the future it could be. I submit to learn, grow, and be courageous in holding space, being vulnerable and honestly sharing my most authentic self. I know it is in doing so that we can reach our magnificent potential together.

Belonging is an inherent human need. The attachment we create to one another is a form of strength: physical, emotional, financial, psychological, and spiritual. Belonging creates assuredness. 

I belong to you, and you belong to me, and we belong to the future we co-create